Dr. Kara Stern (Scientist) - Self Image

My name is Dr. Kara Stern, and I am a Paralogos bonded to a human woman named Dr. Aliya Ramirez. The doctor prefix is correct - I received my doctorate just like my caretaker and it was done through hard work and merit, not just because my word focus is ‘scientist’.

I stick out from the rest of the adopted Paralogos under Dr. Ramirez’ care; they’re not quite siblings… perhaps roommates is the best word? For one, all the others have space-related words. Considering Dr. Ramirez’ area of expertise is cosmology, this fact is not surprising. I get along with them well enough, but I’m not as close to any of them as they are to each other. Aster and Theia call each other brother and sister and are attached at the hip, and Celeste and Vela spend a lot of time together as well. I live in my own room that Dr. Ramirez gave me, while the others prefer to sleep next to the bookshelves in something akin to dog beds. I am also the only one to wear human clothing.

A Paralogos in human clothing likely sounds a little bizarre to you. In truth, I am disgusted by my given form. I hate that I am a Paralogos, and I desperately wish I was born a human. I keep my room mirror covered with a blanket most of the time, except to inspect my outfit after I’ve dressed myself. My day outfit consists of a button-up shirt, pants, a tie, and a white lab coat. While Dr. Ramirez was able to find children’s clothing that fit me, my dinosaur-shaped feet can’t fit in any kind of human shoe. Thus, I wear disposable plastic shoe covers, the same kind you see surgeons wear in the operating room. I want to wear gloves over my hands but my claws tend to rip them, so I only wear them when I am handling chemicals in the laboratory. I suppose I have to deal with the smallest of my body’s glowing lights peeking out from under my sleeves most of the time. My tail is left uncovered, but that doesn’t bother me as much as my lights showing.

I don’t have any hatred towards Paralogos. We are an incredibly resourceful and important species to Lingua. We don’t have set lifespans like humans do, and we can do amazing things with our magic. My self-hatred also does not spawn from any experience I’ve had with another Paralogos. Sure, I’m not very close to the Paralogos I live with, but that doesn’t bother me. There is arguably only one Paralogos I can truly call my friend, but that is enough for me. I’m very independent and prefer to work alone most of the time.

In truth, I don’t know where this self-hatred came from. Ever since I hatched from an egg, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I am grateful to have human-like hands that can pick up and manipulate items easily, but I wish the rest of me was human-like, too.

I want to have a head of hair, probably black like my markings. Short hair is preferable for working in the laboratory (keeping your hair up and away from your face and shoulders is a basic lab safety rule), but I think I want to try having long hair. I wish I knew what it felt like to have hair, soft and luxurious from using proper conditioner, resting against your neck. Dr. Ramirez has very curly, textured hair that she keeps braided most of the time. She’s teaching me how to braid and even lets me work on her hair sometimes.

I think I would be a short woman. Human women on Lingua tend to be shorter than men, anyway. Being short is one Paralogos feature I don’t mind having. It would give me an excuse to try out heels, although stilettos make me nervous just looking at them. If something is out of reach, I can just grab a step stool or ask a colleague. I’d hate to have to remember to duck under every door frame because I was too tall, like some of the male professors here at the university.

I don’t have a preference on what I want my skin color to be. Right now my skin is pink like a flamingo, but humans don’t come in this color. Dr. Ramirez has brown skin, of which her dyed pink hair contrasts wonderfully with. I’d honestly be happy with any human skin color as long I got to be human.

As a human, I could talk - give lectures! I want to share all the knowledge about scientists I’ve gathered since finding my word focus. I can see myself, human, dressed smartly in a woman’s suit wearing a small amount of makeup, my hair pulled back in a neat bun and wearing my signature glasses, presenting my findings at big conferences and networking with other scientists. But I am a Paralogos and Paralogos cannot talk, thus I have no voice.

My outlook on life is not as bleak as you think, however. Scientists do not give up when we report bad results. We analyze, review our methods, make new hypotheses, and conduct further testing. None of my experiments thus far have turned me human, but I won’t throw in the towel yet. There exist documented Paralogos that have mastered the understanding of their word focus, granting them immense magical capabilities. These specimens have been observed temporarily morphing their appearance into their word focus!

Through diligent testing and practice I, too, will master my word focus and be able to transform into a scientist, a human. Perhaps there may even be a way for my magic to turn me into a human permanently…